The Favourite (R) {British spelling}
Photo Above – If Kubrick had cast dueling women instead of men for Barry Lyndon.
Here’s a period piece starring Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz as strong-willed women rivals looking to win the heart of Queen Ann during wartime.
Leave it to Hollywood to paint this 1700 era Queen Anne of England with a wide brush as being a lesbian in this new world of never-ending, in your face LGBT support. How many of these films must we suffer through? Oscar Nominated! (Of course it is). Can Santa Claus be far behind? Look out, Christmas 2019. Just when you thought you knew everything about Santa. Have we got news for you!!
This fisheye-lens-loving director (note to directors – just because you see it used on the Travel Channel and GoPro action shots doesn’t mean it works in a period piece) is also fond of the most monotonous soundtrack you’ve heard outside of a 70’s porno. Oh, and speaking of pornos, we get a lengthy scene where Emma Stone gives her husband a perfunctory handjob instead of sex on their honeymoon. Think a rich noblemen husband in the 1700’s would accept that? Only in the mind of a female Hollywood writer (Deborah Davis). Does it even sound like a fun night at the movies to watch Emma Stone do that?? Tickets are on sale now!
The costumes and scenery are spot on, when not stretched and distorted by a goofy fisheye lens. The acting is top notch. Let’s hope the overt debauchery depicted throughout the kingdom is at least somewhat far-fetched. Ancient Rome, sure. But this takes place during the time period when the 13 American Colonies were in play. I suspect everyone had more class than what we see here.
– Avoid!
Kursk (PG-13)
In 2000 the Russian nuclear sub Kursk went down in the Barents Sea. By most accounts a faulty weld on a dummy torpedo leaked hydrogen-peroxide causing multiple explosions that measured 4.2 on the Richter Scale on seismographs across Europe and was detected as far away as Alaska.
Although 24 members of the submarine crew in the 9th rear compartment survived the blasts, the only contact ever made with them was through a series of raps on the hull signifying they were still alive. The unfolding story we’re shown from the crew’s side after that is pure Hollywood conjecture. Certainly gripping, but conjecture just the same. After such a blast it’s likely they all suffered punctured eardrums and were unable to talk among themselves throughout their ordeal. But silent movies are a tough sell.
The film certainly captures what we do know from the surface view. We see the bleak atmosphere of Russia. From their cruddy high-rise housing complexes to their inferior and neglected military equipment. It’s no wonder they drink vodka like fish to escape it all. It’s literally a sad state of affairs. And Russia’s choice to refuse outside rescue help from competent foreign navies with modern equipment only added to the frustration of the Russian people. Thailand did just the opposite, immediately welcoming foreign help that led to the successful rescue of all 12 soccer players and their coach from a flooded Thai cave.
Experience and expertise matters.
If you enjoy witnessing reenactments of disasters like this, this movie is a must see.
For those who enjoy trivia – On October 29th, 2018 the sole remaining Russian aircraft carrier was accidentally launched in an uncontrolled manner leaving it irreparably damaged. The Russians now have 0 aircraft carriers.
The U.S has 10.
– Wait for Rental
The Quake (AKA Skjelvet) (PG-13)
This Norwegian film with English subtitles covers the fictional story of a researcher who predicted a disaster once, and is on his way to predicting another one. This time it’s an earthquake in Oslo, Norway. Give this movie time to develop and you’ll end up on one gnarly ride. The quake scene is about as good as it gets and will have your hands sweating.
Little kids are dumb and undisciplined, which makes the adult characters work much, much harder than they otherwise would to survive catastrophes. But it makes for more thrilling adventure when people have to hang around impending doom to save their inept children.
If disaster films are your thing, this just-released movie went straight-to-rental and is a must see.
– Rent It
Bumblebee (PG-13)
Hailee Steinfeld and John Cena star in this prequel of the Transformer Movies. As my previous review of the original Transformers covered, I’m not part of the Transformer generation and I don’t know what the attraction is. I hated the first one. But I was in Singapore and wanted to see what their movie theaters were like. Bumblebee was the “big movie” of the week.
Bumblebee is a mix of Transformers and a heavy dose of the 1969 comedy Herbie the Love Bug. For those of you old enough to remember Herbie the Love Bug you might be too old for this latest in the Transformer series. However, this movie is scoring big with audiences so maybe I just haven’t aged well. I wasn’t the least bit entertained and found it cringeworthy throughout. I probably would have loved it if it came out when I was ten.
If even the thought of a new Transformers movie gets you excited, then this one is probably right up your alley.
Curious about Singapore theaters? It’s a First World country full of rich folks. The shiny massive mega-mall theater cineplex I went to for this big opening was way behind Thailand in seat quality, auditorium config., ticketing speed and jumbo screens. At $8 it was twice the price of Thailand theater tickets. Like all Asian cities, Singapore has had assigned movie seating for decades. Unfortunately Singapore moviegoers like to talk among themselves as if watching Netflix at home. Thai audiences are quiet and respectful. I appreciate quiet patrons. If you’re a movie buff, Thailand rules.
– Wait for Rental
Mortal Engines (PG-13)
I know very little about Steampunk and I didn’t read the book that this movie is based on. This is another example where a book could certainly take the time to explain the cities in detail and fill in the dozens of gaps that the movie leaves us with. Characters come and go throughout this two-hour tale with little or no backstory.
The very short synopsis is that the world ended 1,000 years ago because of a total mutual-destruction-like atomic exchange but without the radiation. Not a neutron bomb but a higher tech device that you might see in War of the Worlds. Entire cities (like London) are now one Massive (with a capital “M”) machine with all the city inhabitants onboard as this tank-like city moves around freely on an apocalyptic Mad Max type of landscape. Other Bigger (with a capital “B”) cities can literally eat the smaller cities that are roaming around. The bigger cities use the resources from those chomped up cities to fuel their own cities.
Have trouble envisioning that last paragraph? Thus one reason to see the film. They did a good job with it. Implausible as that story sounds (drugs may have been involved with the inception of it) the roaming cities are not the weakness of the movie. The CGI visuals are probably the biggest draw for this movie (that’s what got me into the theater). If that’s what you’re looking for your wish will be granted. With no big stars to pay it’s a safe bet that most of the 100 million dollars went to the special effects teams. The acting is well done with what they are given to work with.
Where it comes up short is in the story. It jumps around as if they are skipping chapters of the book. Likely the case. But you wouldn’t want it any longer than the current two-hour running time for sure.
The head-shaker aspects of the movie:
A windshield shatters and completely blows in on a plane in the middle of their high energy mission. No worries, just keep flying. Their eyes don’t even water. (This takes place on Earth and no one wears capes). Those windshields on planes, trains and automobiles are sooo overrated.
Speaking of watery eyes – There’s a U.S. built ruthless, killer robot machine that’s a cross between an atomic powered Terminator and a slow walking zombie. Outrunning him always seems to be an option. Although he has perpetually-glowing mechanical green eyes, he blinks occasionally when speaking to people. Because we all know those softies at Raytheon and Northrop Grumman love to build cute mannerisms into their expensive battlefield tech. It seems even robots hate dry eyes.
At one point our heroes dock their steampunk plane on a massive floating city in the sky. In what is supposed to be a tender/sad scene (it’s not) the floating city is in flames (think Hindenburg scale destruction, only larger) with planes desperately flying off the rig in all directions. Yet our cast continues their tender moment inside this unfolding disaster as if they have capes on under their clothes or they’ve already signed up for a sequel so the writers will save them.
Then from out of nowhere, midway into this epic tale we get the requisite tiny “Chinese” female hero (played by South Korean singer/songwriter Jihae) that can take out entire teams of armed soldiers at will and often. Hollywood has to appeal to the Chinese market before China runs out of steam. The Chinese are also the altruistic saviors in the end. Yay! Makes sense. As everyone knows, China has always been an altruistic country, helping others and opening their borders to the downtrodden. Oh, wait . . . that’s never been the case, for 2,000 years. But hey, there’s a first time for everything, right?
If you’re a Steampunk fan or you’re hungry for a huge budget action movie where a massive theater screen makes a big difference, this is worth a theater trip. It’ll scratch those specific itches.
– See it on the Big Screen (If this is your thing)
The Girl in the Spider’s Web (R)
Claire Foy stars in this new adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s string of books about a girl with a dragon tattoo who kicks hornet nests and plays with fire. Now she’s in a spider’s web.
Years ago I read the first Dragon Tattoo novel and then watched the movie. Both versions worked well. I didn’t read any of the other Larsson novels and perhaps that’s best when watching the movies later adapted from them. Books are typically more in depth and more times than not deliver a better version of the story, thus making the movie a letdown.
This chapter has a Save The World concept where we have a computer program on the loose that can take over nuclear silos, and it’s currently in the wrong hands. Thankfully it’s password protected (for now) so the Spy VS. Spy groups battle it out on snowy Swedish soil for control of the laptop. (There’s a mentally-challenged kid (as opposed to the more succinct three syllable word “retarded”) that holds the key to the complicated mathematical password because, well, that’s the new thing in Hollywood these days). There’s sure a lot of action going on and the film delivers what you paid for.
Some items that may or may not bug you:
The thick Swedish accents might have you wishing for subtitles. You can do that with a rental.
Here’s yet another movie where people can take over the controls of another moving non-internet connected car with a cell phone. Uh-huh.
We’ve come to expect implausibility and there’s plenty of that in this movie. However, it’s a bit much that apparently in Sweden machine guns are as ineffective at killing someone as an old wooden spoon.
If you’re a big fan of the series, a trip to the theater might be in order. For the rest of us . . .
– Wait for Rental
Bohemian Rhapsody (PG-13)
It was just a matter of time before this movie was made if only because Queen’s hits were huge, crossed musical boundaries and sounded like anthems. Anyone who has been to a sports stadium in their lifetime knows the We Will Rock You anthem. Queen’s hits make for a rousing movie soundtrack. And just to get this out of the way early, Rami Malek was perfectly cast for the role of Freddie Mercury. Amazing resemblance.
The only concert I ever walked out of was a Queen show in their heyday. For those that have never been to a Queen concert, even if you’re a Queen fan, there are a few things you should know before running off to the theater to see this movie.
First of all it’s a bit of a Milli Vanilli situation with the title of this movie, Bohemian Rhapsody. Even though it’s their biggest hit ever, it’s the one song Queen couldn’t recreate live. And they didn’t even try.
I saw every major band on tour from the 70’s through the 90’s, most multiple times each time they toured. I went to the Queen concert in Maryland expecting great vocals and great musicianship. As a musician myself, performance quality mattered.
Bohemian Rhapsody especially matters because it’s Queen’s biggest hit ever (and the title of the movie). So you can imagine my Columbia, Maryland gang’s disappointment when Queen walked off the stage in the middle of the coolest section of Bohemian Rhapsody so a tape could play the song while the stage lighting provided the only “show” for the paying audience.
Lame.
Any local Mall could have produced that major part of the song with a stage, some lights, and a record player – without Queen present. I have never seen any band wimp out like that. Even Led Zeppelin tackled (as best they could) the cool middle section of Whole Lotta Love live every night.
When Queen played their Disco hit Another One Bites the Dust at our concert to start off the encore, our gang headed for the arena exit. Disco was the enemy for rockers. Queen initially resisted Another One Bites the Dust too according to this movie.
So if you’re expecting to see and hear the coolest parts of Bohemian Rhapsody performed live, you’ll never see that. Even in this movie. You will see how they did it in the studio and that’s entertaining if the craft of studio work is your thing.
Secondly, we all knew Freddie Mercury was gay all along. A lot of singers are. A lot of actors are. What people do in their private lives is their business. We’re interested in the art they produce whether it’s acting, painting, or music. But there’s no off-limits in this movie. The camera covers his outrageously lavish gay parties and his relationships with men in a way most of us have never seen before. Most people I know don’t want to go behind closed doors to watch male lovers engage with one-another. It’s not overly graphic but prevalent. You may be wishing for a Fast Forward button when those scenes come up. Can’t do that in a movie theater.
For the musicians out there, there’s not a ton of new behind the scenes nuggets here for us to be overly excited about, but the rifts Queen had with their record company will bring a smile to any musicians out there. If Queen really was able to take those record executive scoundrels to task like that, I applaud Mercury and the guys. Nothing short of heroes if it went anything close to that in real life.
The concert footage sprinkled throughout is extremely well done and sounds great in a large cineplex theater. The final scenes in Wembley Stadium are rousing enough to bring tears to your eyes.
So armed with the above you’ll know if it’s for you or not. I personally wish I had rented it so I could rewind to watch the cool band footage a few more times and skim over some of Freddie’s personal time behind closed doors.
– Wait for Rental
Halloween (R)
You’d think this time they’d really write a story worthy of the original. You’d think Jamie Lee Curtis would have only signed on with a good script attached to the project. Maybe she’s behind in her taxes?
This movies is plagued with the worst aspects of horror movies:
Women falling down when trying to escape.
People doing dumb things that nobody would ever do.
Sheriff doing everything in slow motion as if being directed in a movie, because he was being directed in a movie. Nobody in real life does everything as if walking under 10’ of water.
Keystone Cops. Clueless in a Hollywood Knights movie kind of way.
The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight – Michael Myers is not an Olympic runner yet they can’t shoot him at point blank range when he walks away with his Michael Myers gate. Not even the cops, who one would assume visit target ranges at least once a year.
Jamie Lee Curtis – lets’s just call her who she is – spent time at her own gun range for decades (in the movie) to prepare for the inevitable Michael Myers escape, and still shoots as if she’s a granny who’s never held a gun before.
People who could spit out the obvious (“Micheal Myers escaped!”) but instead play Beat Around the Bush before being interrupted and dragged away before they can spill the beans that, “Micheal Myers escaped!”
And yet another movie where petrified people can’t keep from loudly calling out to each other in times of peril where a killer is on the loose in the neighborhood, or in the house.
And lastly – People who are scared to death even when they have a virtual arsenal of weaponry within arm’s reach.
Sigh.
Even Micheal Myers is a letdown. Too much snapping of necks and not enough knife work. If we wanted to see a bunch of necks snapped we’d head out to our closest Purdue® Chicken Farm.
The only people scared are the overacting (screaming) actors and actresses on the screen, most of them so pathetic it didn’t seem like much of a loss to society that they were killed. The audience members were virtually unaffected by any of the lame scares.
We see that Curtis spent decades making her home an expensive fortress to prepare for the inevitable Micheal Myers escape from prison but leaves wimpy windows in her front door so anyone could just break them, reach in, remove the steel old-fashioned cowboy-days security bar across it, and unlock the deadbolt with the thumb turn. Oops. Beyond dumb.
It’s not scary. It’s not smart. It’s not novel in any way. It’s boring. And you won’t care a lick about any of the characters on the screen. It’s a shame Micheal Myers didn’t take out the entire town, house by house, to alleviate any chance of a sequel.
– Avoid!
First Man (PG-13)
Hollywood is back to the shaky-cam filmmaking that we had all hoped was behind us. Linus Sandgren was in charge of the cinematography on this movie. Many times the screen is filled with only an actor’s head (so tight that parts of their head are cut off the massive theater screen) while the camera moves around randomly in all directions as if the cameraman is smashed on vodka.
Linus Sandgren singlehandedly wrecked this 59 million dollar film. He’s a disgrace to the industry and his Hollywood union card should be immediately revoked. It’s the sole reason I can’t recommend First Man for a theater trip. Better to watch it at home on a smaller screen to avoid nausea and to temper your disappointment with the amateurish camerawork.
Ryan Gosling plays Neil Armstrong, an all-business kind of pilot. Not a fun guy to interview and not a fun guy to be married to either. But he’s the guy you want at the flight controls when going into space – or to land on the Moon. For those that are interested in the Space Race of the 1960’s, this movie covers the highlights quite well. It also makes it abundantly clear that the Russians were kicking our American ass in all aspects of space (for more than a decade) until the moment we landed on the Moon. Most Americans are unaware of that.
The final juxtaposition of shots between the Moonscape and ground level views of Earth give a vivid sense that your last choice would be to leave Earth to live anywhere else. It’s fun to dream of men one day walking on Mars, but wow. Even a thoroughly trashed Earth would seem like utopia by comparison.
As far as the controversial American flag scene:
There is a huge(ish) outcry about the fact the there is no scene of the American flag being planted into the ground on the Moon. C’mon, folks. The entire movie takes place in America in the 60’s as we embarked on an all-out press to land a man on the Moon first, before the big bad Soviets could do it. The screen is filled with American flags; shots of NASA engineers, rockets and space suits emblazoned with American Flags, people raising American flags at their homes, cakes with decorative American flag frosting on them. The entire movie plays like a “Look at us!” American pep rally. And once on the Moon, there is a shot of the American flag (already planted) right next to the American lunar lander. The only thing missing is a Nike swoop on the Moonprints left behind!
It’s no secret. Only flat-Earthers and simpleton kooks don’t know that America landed on the Moon. Stop whining that the movie doesn’t show the flag being planted. It’s a non-issue.
– Wait for Rental
The Predator (R)
This movie is a total waste of make-up. Somewhere Arnold is laughing.
The Premise: The Ugly Alien that Arnold worked so hard to rid us of had friends out there who have come back to Earth to hunt. The movie sucks but at least the music and sound effects are the same as the cool original. Blind moviegoers will likely enjoy the movie.
The madcap collection of “soldiers on the short bus” to fight the aliens might remind you of scenes from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest – although not a tenth as clever – or funny – as that movie from 1975. All the quips fall flat. Even the blind moviegoers will agree.
Then we have more of today’s tired P.C. Hollywood formula.
A soldier’s son with Asperger’s Syndrome who can save the world with little effort. CHECK! (Furthermore, according to THIS story, people afflicted with Asperger’s Syndrome are literally the next step in the human evolutionary chain.) Sigh.
A soldier with Tourette Syndrome. CHECK! Because . . . why leave those heroes out, right?
A 5’ 4” 38-year-old (Olivia Munn) female biologist by trade who becomes a Soldier of Fortune badass killing machine once any heavy weapon known to a military finds its way into her Palmolive Liquid bathed hands. CHECK!
“The Predator 2” will no doubt star a bulimic quadriplegic woman who’ll save the world when swung by a crane (operated by a blind Sioux Indian) as she binge-eats the aliens in-flight and then purges them into the Grand Canyon.
Director who doesn’t really know how to navigate this weak story onscreen. CHECK!
Schizophrenic editor on acid. CHECK!
These idiots (soldiers with mental issues and biologist alike) swill beer at every quiet opportunity throughout the movie, while being hunted by stealthy, really fast menacing monsters from space. Way to stay sharp! But then again, these ARE literally short bus soldiers. No apparent excuse for the biologist.
It’s enough to make you root for the Aliens. Let’s hope the angry aliens land and start their carnage in Hollywood California. If they sat through this film, who could blame them?
– Avoid!
Searching (PG-13)
Here’s a surprisingly engaging story about a California father/daughter family (the wife dies of cancer in the opening vignettes of beautiful but ultimately gut-wrenching scenes). When his daughter suddenly disappears a year later, her father has to sift through her many social media files to try to piece together what happened to her.
There are a lot of smart twists and turns as the police detective in charge does what she can to make sense of what might have happened to his daughter while the father (played by John Cho – Sulu in the Star Trek Films) has to come to grips with the fact he really hardly knew his daughter at all.
The newscast footage is far fetched as in any Hollywood movie. And what dark hacker site does a layman go to to see razor sharp, National Geographic resolution crime photos of ongoing investigations? But with top notch acting and a solid storyline, it’s a must see.
The one reason to see this early in a theatre would be to keep people from spoiling the outcome of this whodunit long before the rental release.
– Wait for Rental
The Meg (PG-13)
Any time you see short-fused Jason Statham on the screen you know he’s ready to fight. In a Submarine Movie you figure he’s either going to kick everyone’s ass in the submarine and pilot it safely home, or he’s going to swim out of the sub and kick the ass of menacing animals swimming around the sub. If you’re Jason Statham, it’s what you do.
Luckily for the crew(s) on the Sub(s), he’s interested in fighting a shark. A really, really big prehistoric shark.
This particular shark lives in the Mariana Trench, the well known and documented “deepest part of the ocean.” In this story a Chinese researcher has put billions of American investor money on the line by gambling that we only “think” we have seen the bottom of that trench. But really, he claims, there is another level, obscured from view beyond a false, cloudy water, temperature differential level.
Hmmmm. Except in real life, sonar readings are unaffected by water temperature layers AND multiple Westerners have already been to the rocky bottom of the Mariana Trench. Westerners are like that. They climbed to the top of the highest mountain (in China’s backyard no less), dived down to the deepest recesses of the ocean (Mariana Trench), and even walked on the Moon – multiple times – almost 50 years ago.
Knowledge aside, these researchers, in souped-up Chinese mini-subs (because as we all know the Chinese are well known for their engineering prowess – their jets, their cars . . . whoops!) dive below that murky layer that has foiled humanity up until now and discover a whole Avatar-like world of pretty, colorful aquatic life.
And one sinister shark with a locomotive-sized mouth. And he’s got a fuse even shorter than Statham’s!
The acting is better than you’d think given the poor ratings this movie received. The United Nations all inclusive cast is up to the challenge and the Chinese leading woman (Bingbing Li) is easy on the eyes, speaks English very well and can really act. So she’s not just a kung fu add-on to reel in (couldn’t resist) the new movie-going Chinese audience. And with a name like that, how can you not like Bingbing?
The last third is simply a Hollywood remake of the original Jaws that the Chinese audiences have never seen. This brings that shark killer plot to their shores for the first time. It’s interesting because it’s well known that the Chinese population can’t swim and indeed the hundreds of Chinese in the water at the beach are all using pool floats (see movie snapshot used for this review). No kidding. It’s funny to see overhead shots of Chinese beaches with hundreds of people in floatation devices, and it gives the mainstream Western audiences a rare insight into what China is really like.
This film is not a blood fest like Jaws. This movie was filmed from start to finish with a PG-13 rating as their target.
The first third is slick and really enjoyable. The little Chinese girl (Shuya Sophia Cai) who plays Bingbing’s daughter, is quite an actress for her young age. The second third of the movie goes a little overboard with the fish chasing and will have you rolling your eyes as the cast falls into the water over and over (and over). If you thought people always seemed to fall down when being chased through the woods in the past 100 scary movies you’ve seen, wait till you see this bunch!
The last third is a PG rated Jaws with a bit of Statham/Superman thrown in to save the day.
– Wait for Rental
Mission: Impossible – Fallout (PG-13)
With the U.S. entirely dipped into the political correctness paint bucket the writers tiptoed around the choices for villains in this latest Mission Impossible film. We certainly don’t want to bully anyone (no Russian, Chinese or even North Korean villains THIS time). The only safe choices allowed in this era are Mean Space Aliens or Nondescript Europeans. So they went with Nondescript European villains.
So, who can we blame this horrific religious bombing plot on? No, don’t say it. I know you almost said it! It can’t be them. It can’t be ANY organized religion. Let’s go with . . . Atheists.
With the worries of any backlash and box office picketing out of the way, the Hollywood writers actually managed to churn out quite a complex script. I must admit it reminded me of the original TV show where they pulled off some incredible turns that you could never see coming.
It’s hard to imagine they could top the action scenes in the previous MI release, but they did. The stunts are very well executed and not entirely in a cartoon way as in most action films today. The story drags a bit in the middle but at 2 1/2 hours there’s plenty of time for tons of action to get you to an adrenalin pumping end.
Tom Cruise is in top form here and the rest of the team is intact as well. Unfortunately that includes Simon Pegg for comedy relief, although the term Comedy is always a stretch with him. At one point while directing Cruise on a foot-chase, Pegg suddenly flips his computer tablet around and quips, “Sorry, I had the screen lock on.” No, we’re sorry, Pegg, but the writing on the city map was right-side-up the whole time which would give you a clue, so the screen lock joke falls flat – unless you’re eighty-years-old and don’t understand how tablet screens work.
But they must have gotten a lot of positive feedback from Rebecca Ferguson’s appearance in the previous MI Rogue Nation film because they put her right back on her bike for more fun. She adds a lot of spice to this story. There are enough car, bike and helicopter chases going on here to make the Bond franchise envious.
This expensive summer blockbuster is polished and looks really good on a huge multiplex theater screen. And that’s the best way to see it.
– See it on the Big Screen
Skyscraper (PG-13)
Perhaps the most Politically Correct movie of the year. Here we get the 2018 fairy tale film formula where everyone gets a tip of the hat and a medal regardless of actual performance in real life:
* Handicapped hero. Check.
* Set in the rising middle-class China for the overseas market. Check.
* Nondescript White European villains on Chinese soil, but most certainly NOT Russian villains. Check.
* Chinese police who basically watch and discuss the crisis unfolding on their turf but let the star Westerners duke it out to the resolution. Check.
* Tiny 5’ 3”, 95 pound Asian woman leading her squad of killer commandos throughout Hong Kong. Check.
* Hero interracial couple with biracial angel-like children (and the father sticks around to raise the kids). Check.
* One of the kids has asthma and needs an inhaler when stressed. Check.
No worries. EVERYONE is capable regardless of their obvious shortcomings. Cancel the Olympics. No need! A Gold medal for everyone on earth is surely in the works.
The key to solving this Skyscraper adventure is revealed in the first scene of the move (multiple times) in an obvious way that clobbers you over the head with a cinder block. It’s as if they believe audiences today are dim-witted. The scene basically screams, “Did you get that last line? We’ll say it again slowly so you can tell it’s a foreshadowing moment for the end. Here it comes a third time with a softball pitch so you can’t miss it.”
Unbelievable that Hollywood has such little faith in their audience. Perhaps it was done for the Mainland Chinese audiences who have seen 1/100th of the movies those in the West have seen.
This Die Hard blueprint takes us to Hong Kong where the tallest building in the world (220 stories) has been built. The Rock (peg-legged in this one as a wounded warrior) is hired to sign off on the safety of the building so it can be insured and occupied. We are given a short tour to showcase the achievement of this massive tower. At one point dozens of 10’ high hi-res TV screens pop up out of the floor in a sort of high tech house of mirrors maze that would have zero function for the building other than to be a silly plot device for the lazy Hollywood writers to resolve the story later. It’s never revealed why such pop up screens would ever be employed. But once the plot device screens drop back into the floor, the room becomes a virtual daytime planetarium surrounded by screens that make it look as though you are floating above the building, seeing in every direction in real time. Nicely done.
Unfortunately there always seems to be some pesky bad guys (and one girl) lurking around that don’t like tall structures. You know, like that girl involved in 9/11. Oh, wait . . .
Since The Rock’s wife and angel kids are in the building while he’s out working, he has to become King Kong (minus the fur) and climb up over a hundred floors, by hand (with an artificial leg because there is nothing that a handicapped person can’t do – they’re actually superior to us lame, normally-abled folks) using a construction crane structure as his climbable Empire State Building.
Meanwhile the Chinese people are on the ground watching the whole thing on billboard-sized hi-def screens that hang above the streets in the downtown area. This is about the only comedy relief the film gives us as the Chinese gather around the burning tower to watch – just like us in the movie theater AND just like people looking upward when King Kong did it in NY! LOL
The circling helicopters catch The Rock’s every move just as Hollywood film crews would do it so that the Chinese people on the ground can see all the action up close and groan, “Ohhhh!” in unison whenever his hands slip. It’s like watching a crowd enjoying a fireworks display.
I must admit it’s thrilling footage. There, I said it. A lot of the movie is spent at skyscraper heights with sweating, slippery hands (mine, as I watched) as he makes his way around the outside of the burning building. At one point The Rock, his wife and son all become The Flying Wallendas circus act as they cross a plank at great height with (smokeless, cool to the touch) fires raging right below them.
Again, this is absurd stuff but I must admit it’s very engrossing to watch. It might have helped the overall tone of the film if there was some comic relief as Schwarzenegger often delivers (and Dwayne The Rock Johnson in most of his movies). But it’s played straight throughout, at least that was the hope. Unintentional hilarity sneaks out nonetheless. At one point the Chinese police speak in Chinese so that The Rock’s wife won’t understand what they’re saying. She shocks them when she reveals she speaks Chinese. Oops. But a minute later they try to speak Chinese again to keep her in the dark and then are seemingly shocked to learn SHE CAN STILL understand Chinese. That’s something right out of an Airplane movie.
If you are willing to throw in the towel and accept the cookie-cutter, P.C. nonsense formula of every U.S. release these days, and you’ve become numb to the wildly cartoonish implausibility of it all, this film delivers and looks good on a jumbo screen. Just know what you’re in for ahead of time.
– See it on the Big Screen
Hereditary (R)
For those that enjoyed the slow 2016 film The Witch that over 90% of the critics loved, here’s an equally boring horror film without a payoff at the end. And over 90% of the critics liked Hereditary too. What on earth is going on?
Some would call it a slow burn to the finish. But it’s much slower than that. And there is no finish here worth sitting through. It’s all bark and no bite.
Speaking of bark and bite – here’s another movie where the onscreen dog obviously doesn’t know or care about anyone on the set other than his trainer just off camera. Why bother with a dog in the script if he plays no part in the story? If you can’t sell it to anyone who’s ever seen how dogs act around their owners in real life, why bother?
Actress Toni Collette plays a terrible mother that you won’t care for and she does a horrible overacting job in multiple scenes. Cringeworthy.
Her son (played by Alex Wolff) is a strange unlikable character so you won’t have an ounce of affinity toward him either.
Gabriel Byrne plays the father. A cardboard cutout of a man that we hardly get to know, or like.
Milly Shapiro plays the odd, retarded sister with a nut allergy. Not much to like there either.
When ominous music plays in the background, eerie things happen, kind of. Over two, long hours there’s plenty of angst and screaming among people who overact and don’t really like each other much. No one has any real friends. And after an hour of watching this house of losers I was hoping a meteorite would land dead center on their roof, killing everyone inside (along with the director) so the theater house lights could come up. That would have been a great early ending.
Oh, and it’s not scary either.
Note: I’ve got first time director Ari Aster on my director list of, “Avoid everything they touch.” Right next to M. Night Shyamalan.
– Avoid!
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (PG-13)
Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are back at it again. And it seems they never tire of being double-crossed.
With good intentions they make their way back to the remote island where the ruined park for dinos now faces an active volcano that threatens to wipe out all the dinosaurs – again. Seems those crazy dinosaurs just can’t catch a break from that extinction stereotype. But the hope is that they can be relocated to another safe island in a mini-Noah’s-Ark. Alas, some bible-thumpers who are rusty on their math might argue this would be the second time the dinosaurs were moved by a Noah experience.
It’s amazing how quickly these Mayflower Dino Movers can travel to all points of the globe with nary time for a change of clothes. There’s not even time to worry about the little things – like meals. Not even a tiny package of peanuts. Forget the riches to be had with dinosaur DNA, the air and cruise lines would love to know the secret handshake to get that double-secret fast travel formula!
There are a ton of action scenes in this entry. With the special effects dialed-up it’s surprisingly effective and will keep you on the edge of your seat. In a particularly timely scene for 2018, Pratt works his body inches ahead of a lava flow in a tense segment that might have some Hawaii residents cringing. Then there’s the little girl who’s an adept climber. That’s sure going to affect the acrophobic crowd in the theater.
The Jurassic bad guys always wanted to be Bond villains when they grew up, and here they succeeded. Enemies in the way are never killed quickly like in real life. Will villains ever learn?
The story doesn’t hold up to any hard scrutiny (as if the dinosaur park part does) but it’s as good or better than the Jurassic Park sequel you are expecting. If you’re a fan, it’s a theater-worthy experience.
– See it on the Big Screen
Solo: A Star Wars Story (PG-13)
How big of a Star Wars fan are you? That’s what you need to ask yourself before heading off to the theater to see Solo (the prequel to all things Star Wars).
Do you care how Han Solo acquired the Millennium Falcon in the first place? That’s a pretty interesting story. Or how he and Chewbacca first met? That story is pretty weak. But if these kinds of things matter to you then this prequel will check all your boxes. For the rest of us it’s an unnecessary movie with an OK plot and fairly good special effects.
Woody Harrelson is recognizable – no one else is. Since we’re familiar with the Star Wars characters that must to live to continue the Star Wars episodes we’ve already seen, there’s not much tension here.
– Wait for Rental
Revenge (R)
Here’s a female retribution film that looks like it was made in the 90’s when films like this were all over the Blockbuster Video shelves. I Spit on Your Grave was always regarded as the gnarliest of the genre. This is by no means in that raunchy realm and since this French film (in English) was written and directed by a French woman, there is a bit of leniency given here. Still, the killing is hard-core.
This well-shot film starts out with a helicopter flying over a beautiful, remote, colorful desert landscape (Nevada? Arizona? The credits were of no help) and landing in front of an exotic home in the middle of nowhere. A beautiful model steps off the helicopter wearing large, cute pink star earrings followed by her GQ millionaire boyfriend – who has a naïve wife at home. The model (played by Matilda Lutz) dons those earrings throughout as if welded on. The way the camera is enamored with those earrings, I expect they are the director’s favorite pair.
The next morning a couple of the GQ’s hunting buddies show up earlier than expected, armed to the teeth to do some illegal sport hunting. The girlfriend (still wearing those earrings regardless of the slinky swimsuit changes she makes) was not supposed to see that side of the trip.
For the rest of the day and night, the sole woman on the trip dresses up like a call girl (same earrings) and teases the brash newcomers like a bachelor party stripper. Everyone can see where this is headed, except the pretty girl in the middle of the desert, in the pink star earrings, surrounded by gun toting lawbreakers. Think, biker gang sans the Harleys.
The next morning the model comes out to the pool (same earrings) and the trouble slowly brews. The rape scene is handled the best way it could be in the hands of a French woman behind the camera. The hard R rating is due to the overt bloody violence of the film, not the sexual content or off-camera rape scene.
At times it’s more comic book than Road Warrior. If you find yourself impaled through the midsection on a sharp dead tree trunk from a high fall, no amount of self-administered first aid will keep you from bleeding out within minutes of removing the trunk from your stomach. Cauterizing the front and back of a soda can-sized hole does nothing for the internal bleeding and damage that was done. As far as getting up and walking? A lot of muscles in the stomach and back region. Even with hospitalization it would require months to get back on your feet. Schwarzenegger couldn’t pull this off. Not even Helen Reddy would try.
But here she heals as fast as a sexy species from another planet, and becomes the equivalent of Rambo, if Rambo was a skinny model wearing a sports bra, the skimpiest shorts on the rack, and cute, oversized pink star earrings. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.®
If you’ve seen more than three other cheap-thrills retribution movies in your life, and enjoyed them, this will likely fulfill your expectations. It could have been campy, but it’s not. It’s played straight. And in this one you get to see that visceral kill spree done by a dirty, angry chick wearing large, cute pink star earrings.
I am woman, hear me roar, dammit!
– Wait for Rental
Deadpool 2 (R)
For the last time, a cigarette doesn’t burn hot enough to set any flamable gas on fire.
There, now that that’s out of the way.
Ryan Reynolds is back as Deadpool in another irreverent superhero movie where he skewers not only villains but music, Hollywood and basically anything else topical or from the past. Nothing is safe.
In this episode, Deadpool has to save a mutant boy who has flamethrower hands in order to rejoin his wife in heaven while racking up the body count numbers as high as theatrically possible. There it is. Now off to the theater you go.
There are more “team” members in this one, so if you liked the first Deadpool movie, there is no reason to think you won’t like this one as much or better. The most clever part of this film may be the discussion of whether or not Luck can be a superpower. The answer is both funny and surprising.
Keep your eyes peeled during the opening credits as they are not only the most succinct credits you’ll likely ever see (or until the next Deadpool movie) but they are also amusingly worthless. It’s actually surprising Hollywood allowed these opening credits. Early Hollywood films only had credits at the end, but you’d think there’s surely a reason why we always have to sit through opening credits in modern movies. Perhaps this movie proves there really isn’t a valid reason.
– See it on the Big Screen
A Quiet Place (PG-13)
We start with a scene where a family tries to be as quiet as possible as they scavenge for food and medicine in a local store. Turns out aliens have taken over the world and all the noisy humans have already been eaten. These powerful creatures hunt any living thing that makes a sound. They are otherwise blind and have no sense of smell.
So the secret to survival is to remain quiet at all times. 24/7. The reason this film is tense is because this unfortunate family has three young kids, one of whom is deaf. Great. A kid that doesn’t know when she makes noise. That’ll be fun. Talk about a handicap – for the whole family! All they needed now was a friend with asthma and an uncle with smoker’s cough and their lives would be complete.
Anyone who’s seen any parenting around them today knows these kids are going to make a lot of noise and keep everyone in jeopardy throughout the film. And then there’s the added bonus of a newborn on the way. If there’s one thing everyone can agree on it’s that babies cry.
The term gluttons for punishment comes to mind.
The movie is not really that scary. No one in the sold-out theater screamed once. It’s tense because – you know – those damned kids. Kids are dumb and noisy, which is especially frustrating when there are monsters everywhere that quickly kill and eat noisemakers. Thus the plot. No way this family with their current events lax parenting skills outlasted the neighbors. Maybe today’s parents who would rather be eaten alive than discipline their kids will have a soft spot for it. I found it silly.
It’ll make a good rental.
– Wait for Rental
Ready Player One (PG-13)
The usual United Nations line-up of kids set out to save the . . . no, not The World. Here they set their sights much, much lower. They set out to save the online gaming industry from a company they don’t like. So there’s really not much at stake here, but with Steven Spielberg directing the movie you know it will be a thrill ride nonetheless.
Oasis is the online VR world that has become all the rage. It’s basically the future version of surfing the net. When the founder dies, his prerecorded message tells the world that whoever is able to solve the game and find his three hidden Easter Eggs will then own the company, its fortunes, and run the Oasis platform going forward. So I suppose the presumption here is that if you kick-butt at video games then surely running a multi-billion dollar company would also be your strength.
But the core antagonist here is the competing “other” ornery company that has its sights set on finding those Easter Eggs first and and taking over Oasis. Oh, the dread!
Not being a hardcore gamer, nor in the target audience age group (under 30 for sure) I have to admit the Oasis platform would be enticing if real. It’s not a new concept but Spielberg does a good job of showing us how it might look and feel. They also sell this movie as a nod to 80’s pop culture with sprinkles of trivia music and images. Don’t go to the theater expecting to get much out of that dangled carrot. Seemed more of a forced afterthought to me (just like the rushed, after-shoot, 3D retouched version of this movie they are pimping to suckers).
The movie is overly long at 2hr 20min but the ending has the usual Spielberg flavor. Which, even if you’re over 30 . . . isn’t so bad, right?
– Wait for Rental
Tomb Raider (PG-13)
Alicia Vikander (from her breakout film Ex Machina) takes over the Lara Croft role originally played by Angelina Jolie in this 2018 reboot of the Tomb Raider franchise.
We first see Lara kick-boxing for fun and working as a London bike messenger after walking away from her billionaire heritage after her father disappeared seven years ago. But through a bit of luck she is again intrigued with the project her father was working on when he vanished (assumed dead) and she decides to look for him on the secret island that led him away from their home.
So off to Hong Kong for a bit of adventure and then off by ship to the Devil’s Waters near a forgotten Japanese island that is shown on her father’s old maps. Unfortunately it’s not forgotten by everybody and Laura Croft has to run, swim, kick-box, climb and shoot her bow and arrow as she makes her way through the jungle covered island to literally save the world (like every other movie these days). I’ve never played the famous Tomb Raider computer games, but I’m sure it’s kind of like that. Overall, Lara’s success in this particular story seems more luck than skill in scene after scene. But it’s thrilling nonetheless to see someone escape death again and again.
Jolie has more acting range and although certainly fit, Vikander lacks the physicality and muscle tone that Jolie displayed when showing acts of strength. But that’s hardly the strength of this film. Vikander looks like a model so the franchise will thrive with its core audience. In scenes that require her face to be clean and fresh they conveniently remove the bloody injury on the bridge of her nose. Never fear, the injury returns when it’s time for her to forge ahead with the mission. And I have to give Vikander credit, she sells pain quite well and shows it on a number of occasions.
The whole idea of “killing the head of the snake” came to mind a lot when watching this movie. There were far too many times when the vicious leader of the villains could have easily been taken out. Problem solved. None of his bad-tempered employees would have continued on without him. But our heroes don’t think of that so instead we get a number of Raiders of the Lost Arc like scenes that will keep you entertained.
For die hard fans of the genre, a theater will be fun. But it will make a great rental.
– Wait for Rental
Death Wish (R)
Bruce Willis takes over the role in the latest version of Death Wish, here directed by Eli Roth, the writer/director of the Hostel films.
Roth dials it down for this pretty straightforward story using the same tone as the Charles Bronson originals. Elisabeth Shue (remember her?) plays the pretty wife who is brutally assaulted along with their pretty daughter. We watch ugly thugs do it. The good guys/bad guys are clearly defined which is always necessary in a vigilante movie. Guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.
The Hollywood stereotype of believing a valet attendant would also be involved in home robbery, home invasion, rape and murder is always a stretch. Like most of the jobs we all have, bad guys have specialties too. And all that over a tiny safe of unknown stuff? A few thousand dollars worth of loot? C’mon man!
The one section the story nailed was the wife struggling to open her home combination safe. Anyone who’s ever operated a professional safe knows the precision it takes to open it on the first try. And that’s without a gun to your head. It’s not at all like the Master lock on your bicycle or school locker. Very realistic scene.
Unlike the earlier Bronson film, director Eli Roth spends a lot of time showing the bond between the family members. So much time you start to wonder if there will be enough time for the revenge action sequences since the movie is only 1h 48m.
No need to worry. The methodical march to mayhem is well paced and the retribution is satisfying in a movie kind of way. Sure, it’s unlikely a surgeon would be able to hide deep hand injuries from his staff and the police seem a bit Keystone at times. But in Chicago where the shootings are endless (3,457 shooting victims in 2017 with 650 deaths) the police have to be getting pretty numb to the whole thing.
The film was not screened for critics before release which led most to believe it would be another Bruce Willis stinker. If you liked the original Death Wish movies, this one is on that same level.
– See it on the Big Screen
Red Sparrow (R)
Jennifer Lawrence plays Dominika Egorova, a star Russian ballerina that suffers a horrible accident on stage that leads her to an abrupt bleak future in Moscow. Her mother is sick and needs constant care. Going from one of the “haves” to the “have nots” is an especially brutal fall in Russia.
With the knowledge that her mother will not only lose her medical coverage, but they soon won’t have a roof over their heads, Dominika takes an offer she can’t really refuse from her uncle who happens to work for a dark Russian agency. So off she goes to become a beautiful Red Sparrow, or Russian agent who uses their body as a weapon.
Lots of dark training going on here and even though Jennifer Lawrence is the lead, you’ll be shocked at the nudity and sexual content. The violence is graphically brutal as well. It’s likely the hardest “R” movie you’ve seen in a year or two.
Joel Edgerton plays the overseas CIA agent with a conscience and Jeremy Irons plays a hard core Russian spy. It’s a complicated spy VS. spy like we’ve seen many times, but this version has seriously great dialog and solid acting that is so good that many long scenes have no accompanying musical score whatsoever. It’s rare that a director doesn’t lean hard on a musical score to move the audience along, especially for a movie with a 2h 20m runtime. Here he doesn’t have to. Give credit to Lawrence. This movie should silence the critics that have questioned her acting abilities or box office staying power.
If spy thrillers are your thing, you won’t know where this story is headed, but you’ll be thoroughly mesmerized throughout.
– See it on the Big Screen
Den of Thieves (R)
Gerard Butler and 50 Cent star in a bad cop gang VS. bad master thief gang in Den of Thieves. You would be forgiven for thinking this is a derivative of the 1995 movie Heat that starred Al Pacino, Robert De Niro and Val Kilmer. Even the helicopter shots with the electronic mood music seem to bring back memories of that film.
Still, it’s a totally different script even though the wild implausibility is the same.
We watch as the L.A. Sheriff’s Major Crimes team (run by Butler) tries to surveil and outwit the crafty X-Military, X-Con professional thieves. The movie starts by telling the audience that Los Angeles is “The bank robbery capital of the world.” A robbery every 48 minutes.
Yeah, back in the 90’s that was true. But bank heists are way down in Los Angeles. Sometimes numbering only 200 a year. So as with most films trying to convince you what you are about to see is based on something real, don’t fall for it. In fact, the film is ludicrously far-fetched. And that doesn’t even include real life tiny details like guns are REALLY LOUD. Automatic weapons even more so. Bombs detonated inside a building will leave you hard of hearing for a week, if not deaf.
Yet causal conversation goes on as if only the viewer in the theater heard anything. There is one scene in a Japanese restaurant that makes no sense on any level whatsoever. It’s simply a lazy Hollywood writer trying to shoehorn a scene bridge that we didn’t need anyway.
But that’s not to say this isn’t a grand shoot-em-up! It’s wall to wall action and and a lot of pent up aggression is on display. The American cops torture suspects in the same way it’s done in Paraguay. Why Americans have become numb to scenes like this (Hawaii Five-0 anyone?) is anyone’s guess. I hope to never run into one of these dirty cops in my town. And if you casually throw around the “N” word multiple times in major motion picture like this, don’t expect that word to be buried any time soon. Huckleberry Finn has been snatched from the school library shelves and then Hollywood releases a mainstream blockbuster freely using the word in modern conversation. The world is on its head.
But if you’re really jonesing for a film about the planning of a Mission Impossible type of bank heist as the dirty cops try to prevent it, with lots and lots of automatic weapon fire, you won’t want to miss this one.
– Wait for Rental
The Shape of Water (R)
Director Guillermo del Toro has never shied away from wacky projects (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy, Cronos). And this film is no different. Part 1960 skunk works cold war period piece, part Fred Astaire era musical production with a bit of (tasteful? YMMV) bestiality tossed in, it’s probably not for everyone.
For those still interested, there is a lot to like here. The acting is surprisingly strong with Sally Hawkins, Michael Shannon and Octavia Spencer giving especially great performances.
Without giving too much away, we find ourselves in a Manhattan Project style research facility where a strange creature is being held. With both the U.S. and Soviets very interested in the creature and its possible special properties, there’s a bit of cloak and dagger at play. But as with the real Manhattan Project, every facility needs cleaning crews. In the case of the real Manhattan Project, every cleaner was illiterate so the chances of a leak were minimized.
No such rules at this center, other than Elisa Esposito, a mute cleaning lady (played by Sally Hawkins). But she’s anything but dumb and she soon finds herself falling for the tortured, captive creature. Michael Shannon excels as the cold hearted overseer of the project.
Guillermo del Toro tries too hard to toss all the topics of the day into the mix, like too many strong ingredients in the soup. Educated VS idiots, lame handicapped folks, men VS. women, black oppression, gay oppression, references to Israeli terrorist Ani Popper (Popper Device) and Sampson’s eventual victory over the Philistines. Read into it what you will. But ignore the sprinkles of “messages” throughout the film and you basically have a very hard “R” rated Beauty and the Beast film.
– Wait for Rental
Maze Runner: The Death Cure (PG-13)
The Maze Runner franchise has certainly struggled over the years. Either you find this theme entertaining or you don’t. For those that sat through the earlier titles and enjoyed them, this last entry will make it all worth it.
The same relatively unknown cast of characters (only their moms would disagree) return to get the entire team to freedom. No one ever wants to “leave anyone behind” – over and over and over which makes this two-hour film feel longer than that, but there’s wall to wall action to keep you engaged.
The implausibility knob is turned up way too far, more so than even the earlier films. But as a thrill ride movie it’s certainly no worse than the Fast & Furious genre that rakes in the millions. And this finale pulls no punches. Unlike the Marvel films where the stars have to live for a sequel, not all of the Maze Runner stars will live.
If you are familiar with the Maze Runner saga and are into it, this is worth a theater trip. Otherwise you’ll probably wonder what all the fuss is about.
– See it on the Big Screen
The Commuter (PG-13)
Liam Neeson is back at it again, this time put into the position of saving people on a train against his will. Sounds odd, but that’s in essence the case here.
After just losing his job after ten loyal years of insurance sales in NYC, he boards his daily train for the ride home to tell his wife and son the bad news. It’s on the train that he’s confronted by a well dressed woman (Vera Farmiga) who gives him the news that he has a choice to make.
Turns out the choice is to do what she says, or his family will die.
As everyone knows, Liam is effective in this typecast role he has forged for himself. It’s no different here. Turns out that just before he became an insurance broker he was a NYC cop. Obviously, as the woman points out, that previous job gives him special skills, which has become Liam’s, “I’ll be back” mantra. Whoever that Hollywood writer was that penned that “very particular set of skills” line for Liam’s previous winners, Liam owes that guy a beer – or a house.
If you like any of his previous films (like Taken) you’ll enjoy this wild ride on the train. It’s not believable for a minute, but as a Hollywood action release it works.
– See it on the Big Screen
Insidious: The Last Key (R)
The Trailer showed promise.
I didn’t see any of the previous Insidious movies so hardcore fans might give this movie a pass for just being a part of a bigger thing. But as a one-off, it’s a letdown as a horror flick.
After a bit of backstory, we see the grown-up version of a woman after flashbacks of her childhood where she “saw things” and was subsequently beaten by her sadistic father who was tired of her seeing things.
Now she’s a ghost hunter for hire and ends up back at her childhood home where all the drama began.
The biggest mistake of the story is her tag along sidekicks. Like something straight out of a Scooby-Doo cartoon, these two guys are too goofy for any comedy/scary movie filmed after 1957. Is this supposed to be a (terrible) comedy or a horror flick? The director never really seems sure so it comes out as a terrible horror flick.
Other than a couple jump scares there’s nothing to see here, so move along . . .
– Avoid!
Day of the Dead: Bloodline (R)
I’ve seen every one of the Night/Dawn/Day of the Dead films over the decades and loved most of them. It’s either your genre or not. Some are certainly better than others. Any time you get to run amok in an abandoned shopping mall after the world ends, you’re bound to have a pretty good time, which makes those particular earlier Dead survival films even more entertaining.
This film has none of that. It starts with a cheap looking, mostly abandoned hospital set and moves on to a low budget bunker for the bulk of the film. With the acting B level at best and no one on screen with a lick of sense from start to finish, this latest take on the theme is among the least enjoyable of the group.
But one thing is for sure . . . they’ll keep making more of these Dead movies. And it can only get better from here.
– Avoid!
End of 2018 Movies.