Kill Bill II (R)
I didn’t recommend Kill Bill as it was a bit too weird for a trip to the theatre. But Kill Bill II succeeds in delivering a wild ride – even if you haven’t seen the original one.
Either you like Quentin Tarantino or you don’t. All his films have the same flavor. But this time, Tarantino cooks this dish thoroughly, and in the end, you’ll find this one appetizing meal. A great rental.
– Wait for Rental
Spider-Man 2 (PG-13)
Hollywood has seemed to turn around the trend of sucky sequels (see also – Bourne Supremacy, Dawn of the Dead and Kill Bill II).
If you enjoyed Spider-Man, you may enjoy this one just as well.
But in my opinion:
1) The evil nemesis is better here than the Green Goblin.
2) I STILL don’t understand why everyone is enchanted with Kirsten Dunst. In a town where every pretty waitress wants to be an actress, Kirsten must have the best Hollywood agent on the planet.
3) The older you are, the more you’ll appreciate the dark side of being a superhero. The director explores it in depth here.
The younger you are, the more you’ll squirm and fidget for the action to start.
– See it on the Big Screen
Bourne Supremacy (PG-13)
Matt Damon does his thing in part two of the Bourne series. If you liked the first one, you’ll like this one equally well. There are some implausible scenes, but it’s an action picture, so don’t think too hard about the details.
The one problem with the film that may upset some people over 25 – this film is shot using MTV shaky-cam techniques. Kids don’t seem to mind.
– See it on the Big Screen
Collateral (R)
Tom Cruise is a bad guy.
OK, really what I mean is he’s a bad guy in Collateral. He’s supposed to be bad. He’s a good bad guy. That is to say… well, you get the drift.
The good news is, he succeeds so well you might just find yourself literally on the edge of your seat when the tension mounts. He’s likely to shoot anybody at any time in everyday situations. It’s more believable than you think.
Jamie Foxx plays a taxi driver who picks up Mr. Cruise and agrees to drive Cruise for the night for a set fee. Little does Foxx know that Mr. Cruise plans to kill someone at each of his stops along the way.
This is more than pure traffic accident viewing. The story actually takes the time to explore what makes each man tick as they drive for hours into the night.
Truly a thrill ride to see.
– See it on the Big Screen
Open Water (R)
Jaws was a great movie. I remember living in Peabody, Massachusetts, when that movie came out in the summer of ‘75. We didn’t get into the ocean past our knees for two years after seeing that movie.
So it was with great anticipation that I went to see Open Water, a story about a couple on their vacation who end up getting left behind in the middle of the ocean while scuba diving with a day tour group in the Bahamas. This movie is based on true events, and I have heard of such events over the years. But keep in mind that movies that claim to be “based on true events,” or “based on a true story,” are actually loosely based, with most of the re-enactment enhanced for Hollywood storytelling effect.
Such is the case here. These are not two people you would want to spend a great deal of time with, so when the sharks show up, it’s hard to really give a hoot. You’ll spend more time thinking about what YOU would do in the situation than really worrying about these two flawed vacationers.
The best scene, although a bit too short in my opinion, is the thunderstorm in the dead of night. When you’re in the middle of the ocean, it’s darker than anything you can imagine. Only the sudden flashes of lightning reveal the large stormy waves around them as the sharks nip at their heels. Great stuff! A real gem of a scene.
But it’s not enough to keep this film afloat. And you’ll be disappointed with how they end this movie as well. Not worth a trip to a theater.
– Wait for HBO
HERO (PG-13)
Do you hate subtitles?
This alone will separate those that will sit through and enjoy this epic Chinese film about the unification of the Chinese kingdom in the 3rd century B.C. and those that will grit their teeth through it. There is enough swordplay throughout that few could sleep through it, even if they refused to read a word of the dialog. This is a big-budget Chinese film released in the U.S. starring Jet Li and other Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon-type stars. The look is obviously Crouching Tiger-ish, though in my opinion, this film is much better.
If you are truly a film fanatic, you would have to enjoy Hero. And any director would love to have this one under their belt. Swordplay has never had a better accompaniment of basic earthly elements: wind, water, swirling leaves, etc. The sound of the film is equally top-notch and must be viewed in a Cineplex theater to get the full impact. Even though Chinese people continue to pretend to jump into the treetops with ease, as well as running across bodies of water as if light as a water bug, here it plays more symbolically than the in-your-face Crouching Tiger film.
Regardless of whether you loved or hated the previous 215 Jet Li films (I hated all of them), don’t let that dissuade you from this movie. He’s perfect for the role of “nameless one” who no one seems to know anything about. Not even the emperor. It all comes down to the emperor and the abilities of the nameless one. If the emperor lives, unification of China will commence. If he dies, China will remain a group of warring states. No need for you to know any more about the story – just sit back and take it all in.
A truly moving, well-acted, well-written film – if you can handle 90 minutes of subtitles.
– See it on the Big Screen
The Day After Tomorrow (PG-13)
Jake Gyllenhaal is hoping to land the role of Spider-Man in the future.
That’s all I could think about as I watched Jack on the screen for two hours, acting just like Tobey Maguire, right down to keeping his lips from moving as he quietly delivered his sheepish lines. You’ll have plenty of time dissecting this movie as it drags along between the special effects scenes. Special effects are the only reason to see this film, yet the special effects have problems too.
The story involves Dennis Quaid (a climatologist who sees the next ice age coming long before anyone else does), a little bit of story with his wife (a doctor who cares for young cancer patients), and their prodigy son (Jake Gyllenhaal), (who wants to play Spider-Man part III or IV, whenever Toby tires of the staring role).
The son ends up stuck in N.Y. with a number of kids, and it’s up to Dennis to drive, then snowshoe to his rescue all the way from Washington D.C.
Yeah… OK. There are so many holes in this TV movie-quality plot that there is really no need to do much more than watch the effects and shove popcorn down your throat.
Everyone who finished junior high school (or lives where there is hail) knows that regardless of the size, pea or bowling ball, hail comes down round. Why then would director Roland Emmerich decide to show suitcase-sized hail coming down on Tokyo in blocks and chunks? Perhaps he didn’t pay attention in science class and has never actually seen hail?
Just how cold would it have to be to freeze 20’ of salty ocean water standing in the streets of N.Y. for a day? Pretty darn cold. Colder than Pluto perhaps? And the best part is (according to Mr. Quaid, the world expert) the cold weather is coming and will kill everyone. You mean it’s not here yet?? Didn’t we see that the ocean is flash-freezing? Are atoms still moving??
This is a summer movie. We’re supposed to line up and watch a blockbuster like this every summer, and this is a big-screen movie for sure. The story is so lame, I can’t recommend it. But it does look and feel good in a theater with good sound.
For those that remember the smart summer blockbusters of the past like Jaws, you have to keep in mind that with all the advancements in special effects, the writing in movies today generally sucks.
– Wait For Rental
Dawn Of The Dead (R)
Dawn of the Dead does exactly what it’s supposed to do. It makes your skin tingle and grosses you out. And for everyone who pays to see this stuff, thank god it delivers!
Opening with a more thought-provoking intro than the original Dawn…, a modern-day suburbia is shown quickly turning from white upper-crust utopia to a virtual hell on Earth through disease, all in a matter of hours. It’s like the North American version of the Ebola virus on steroids.
One thing that struck me as I was watching this movie is that we are successfully shown what our own neighborhoods would look like if such an episode were to happen, except that we have all seen the previous installments of the Night and Dawn of the Dead. For simplicity’s sake, the people in the movie who are playing us never have. So there is a learning curve that these folks conveniently need to go through before they know how to survive the scourge. (Don’t get bit!)
Any movie fan who wakes up to see flesh-eating people on the go would immediately know to shoot them in the head to kill them. Only if confronted with Jason would you alter that rule. Or Freddy. And perhaps you’d need to switch to silver bullets for a werewolf, but those instances are pretty rare. So much for the metaphysical aspects of the movie.
Eventually, a lucky few get into the local mall to escape the marauding flesh-eaters. Here you have plenty of food, water, clothing, and a lot of cool rooms and wide hallways that make filming a movie fun and interesting to watch. Also, take note that in today’s society, unlike when the original was made 25 years ago, you won’t see a gun store conveniently located in the mall. This new arrangement always makes it easier for the bad guys to run amok and forces movie makers to install a local gun store near the mall to even up the odds for the good guys.
In a world full of crappy remakes (as if the Hollywood writers are on strike again or something), this movie actually betters the previous Dawn movie. Not that there was anything wrong with the other mall o’ zombies movie; it’s just that the effect departments have really honed their craft 25 years later. The gore is more realistic, and the blood spatters with amazing effectiveness. If you liked the previous Dead movies, this is one movie you have to see.
One item for the continuity observers – the star of the movie (Sarah Polley) has a lot of blood on her face and hands as she flees from the initial hell on Earth. But once she again has her feet on the ground – so to speak – her face is clean and leading ladylike, even though she has to work her hands in a fountain later to get them blood-free. Note to all budding directors: The Hollywood equation is obviously: Clean, Pretty Female Faces = More Money at the Box Office.
Take note that the movie is not over when the credits roll and the lights come up. As everyone gets up to leave, you are shown short snippets of what happens next – in between the credits. It’s a bit annoying to watch but necessary for the entire story to be completed. But as soon as you see the second ending, there is no need to sit through the rest of the snippets that serve only to force the viewers to watch the rest of the credits.
So halfway through the credits when you see the real ending, head for the car.
– See it on The Big Screen
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (PG-13)
Russell Crowe stars in this cat and mouse tale of the high seas between a French and English naval ship. The movie starts out with one of the most realistic “wood-sided ships of the past” battle scenes ever filmed. Makes you think it will be the Saving Private Ryan movie of the 1800’s, and make you realize just how awful the spitting-distance cannonball naval battles must have been. And early surgery, yikes! This movie will remind you how great it is to have been born after penicillin was discovered.
It’s not all fist to cuffs, as the movie takes time for a visit to the Galapagos Islands with a little science breakthrough time for the crew’s doctor. But it’s the final battle scene that we wait for, especially knowing the enemy French ship has superior firepower and design. The finale has nowhere near the intensity of the first scene, but it’s good enough to give the movie the thumbs-up it deserves. Even if you’re not a Crowe fan, this high seas tale is worth checking out.
– See it on The Big Screen
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R)
Leatherface is back with the latest 2003 remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The good news is, if you like this kind of stuff, this movie works. And a theater full of people is the best way to see this film, so get in line now.
The story is similar to the original, even using 1970-style cars and Lynyrd Skynyrd tunes on the 8-track. But today’s special effects are ahead of the original, and with Buffy the Vampire women in fashion, there will certainly be a buff chick (Jessica Biel) conveniently showing her belly throughout to bring the movie to today’s mass market.
Perhaps we could quibble with the notion that anyone could survive after being forced back-first onto a meat hook, like a slab of beef, much less attempt to run if freed from the hook later. (I’ve been couch-ridden after a bad sunburn on my back!)
No need to tell you any more – you know why you’re in line for this.
And it delivers.
– See it on The Big Screen
Kill Bill (R)
Quentin Tarantino is full of himself.
I like weird movies. I loved Pulp Fiction. But Kill Bill is over the top.
Uma Thurman plays a pregnant member of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad who’s about to get married. Each member of the Squad has a ridiculous snake name. It’s supposed to be campy. It succeeds all too well.
Uma is murdered along with her groom and church guests, except for one thing. She survives the assassination. (You’ll notice a second gun scene as well that seems to show these assassins are pretty inept.) Thus the plot – Uma (OK, I mean Black Mamba) must take revenge on them all. That’s it. That’s the plot. But that’s not the downfall of this film. Quentin uses everything in his bag o’ tricks to keep the movie interesting. Black and white film, Japanese cartoon segments to move the story along, Clint Eastwood spaghetti western style photography, Chinese fake looking “flying” fighting. Oh, and before I forget to mention it, blood. Lots and lots of blood.
Blood in black and white. Blood in cartoon fire hose volume. Blood in vivid color at fire hose volume. Comical amounts of blood. Should have bought stock in Red Dye #2, gallons of blood.
Blood’s not necessarily a bad thing, I only serve to warn those with an aversion to paying money to see blood. If this is you, you won’t see much of this film.
But the laughable lines are awful. Too 70’s TV sounding. Worse than Starsky and Hutch. And the scenes are w-a-y too long. Tarantino is too in love with his technique to cut this side of beef down to an edible meal.
Speaking of size, this is just half the movie. Kill Bill 2 comes out in February. Probably had to order up more blood.
The cast is somewhat strange:
Daryl Hannah
Vivica A. Fox
The voice of David Carradine
Lucy Liu
Chaiki Kuriyami
Only the Lucy Liu/Chaiki Kuriyami dramatic and long stylized ending scene actually works. See Chaiki Kuriyami below to get a more vivid picture of the strange but exciting, if not far-fetched scene involving a sophisticated steel ball of death on a chain.
I’m guessing drugs were involved when this scene was written. The audience can’t get enough of this stuff. But it’s not enough to recommend a trip to the theater. This is definitely a cult film that needs to be seen at home, where you can nibble this fatty side of beef in multiple sittings, or fast forward when the pace slows to a mere crawl.
– Wait for Rental
Lost In Translation (R)
It sounds like a bad premise… a movie about two American strangers who find themselves bored out of their minds in the strange city of Tokyo. And it stars Bill Murray.
I would have hated to be the guy that pitched this idea to Hollywood. But we should be glad someone did.
Bill Murray stars as Bob Harris, a washed-up actor who’s stuck in Tokyo doing ad work for a Scotch whiskey company. It pays well (that’s an understatement), so he puts up with it. For a while.
But there are few places on Earth where you feel more alien than in Japan. Having been there myself, I can vouch for that.
But there is another American who is bored out of her mind as well. Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson) is a wife of two years who sees very little of her husband. He’s an American fashion photographer and works all hours of the day and night, leaving her to her own devices in Tokyo.
Eventually, Bob and Charlotte hook up, and here’s where things get weird. They don’t act like Hollywood script puppets! They act as normal people would act if they found themselves out of place in Japan. It’s a story about two real people making the best of the situation they find themselves in. Perhaps not worth a special trip to the movies, but definitely worth a rental.
– Wait for Rental
The Rundown (PG-13)
I’m not a fan of wrestling. I’m not a fan of The Rock. Nor am I a fan of Seann William Scott (the weasel-eyed guy in the American Pie movies), and I’ve never seen an American Pie movie all the way through. But that being said, The Rundown is hands down the best movie of the summer – even if it is officially fall.
The Rock plays Beck, a guy who is a hired gun to retrieve items for a rich thug. After the initial scene that serves to introduce Beck’s abilities to the viewers, the plot starts when Beck is hired by his tough boss. His boss simply wants Beck to retrieve his son from the jungles of Brazil, where the son (played by Seann William Scott) is searching for a priceless golden idol.
Making matters worse (or better for us – the viewing audience) is a bad-ass gold mine owner who rules the jungle area with a heavy hand and doesn’t much appreciate outsiders like Beck. This part is brilliantly played by Christopher Walken.
Other than a few MTV shaky cam fight scenes, and one too many repetitive scenic helicopter shots over the treetops of the Brazilian jungle, the movie is a totally fun “sure bet” joyride for the entire family.
– See it on The Big Screen
Once Upon a Time In Mexico (R)
Robert Rodriguez took a Hollywood-sized budget and cast down to Mexico to make a movie that is so silly, it will remind you of a Wylie Coyote cartoon. The Mexicans are so authentic, the movie even comes with subtitles. And everyone knows how much Americans LOVE subtitles in their movies! HA!
The cast will entice you:
Antonio Banderas (OK, so maybe HE won’t entice you), Salma Hayek, Willem Dafoe, Johnny Depp, Ruben Blades, Mickey Rourke, Eva Mendes, Cheech Marin and Danny Trejo.
Those who saw Desperado will know the drill. It’s more of the same – but ten times more far-fetched.
For those that need the plot line – Banderas is forced out of retirement to fetch his guitar case full of weapons by a scheming CIA agent (Depp) who wants Banderas to kill a drug boss (Dafoe) who is plotting a coup against the Mexican President. There are so many foes to be done away with in this Hollywood action shoot ‘em up that you would think it would be interesting.
It’s not.
It’s meant to be funny too. And in a Saturday Night Live way, it is funny (every 4th joke works). The plot is too tricky for its own good and that’s a shame with all the talent on the screen.
Those who are Salma Hayek fans should steer clear of all the other reviews out there that totally give away her role in the movie.
Blame this turkey squarely on director Rodriguez.
– Wait for Rental
S.W.A.T. (PG-13)
Every generation has its own cop shows. Dragnet. Adam 12. Hawaii Five-O. Hill Street Blues. Homicide. The X-Files. Oh wait, they chase extraterrestrials. But hey, we LOVE our cop shows. So along comes the remake of S.W.A.T. (Special Weapons and Tactics), a remake of a T.V. show that more than a few of us guys in our 40’s were fans of in ‘75.
Samuel Jackson heads up the cast alongside Colin Farrell, Michelle Rodriguez and LL Cool J. We’ve all been stung before by the Hollywood summer blockbuster roll-out of general remake crap, but S.W.A.T. is not as bad as you might think.
Prepare yourself for the usual cop-movie formula plot that Hollywood forces every script to adhere to:
Scene one – Cowboy cops do what they feel is the right thing.
Scene two – Commander won’t stand for any of it.
Scene three – (And here’s the twist.) The pace really slows down as Jackson enters the film and builds his very own S.W.A.T. team.
And, oh yeah – Scene four – the commander doesn’t like Jackson either.
It’s when Jackson enters the film that the movie will be a hard sell for some. Can you buy into Samuel L. Jackson in this role? Some can. Some can’t. He’s got that grin that says, “I know I’m too cool for this film, but I’ll have fun with the part anyway.”
It’s not “Bad Boys” with explosions and fist fights from the start of the titles to the ending credits, so if that’s what you’re looking for, you need to look for the theater door marked “Ridiculous.” But there’s plenty in S.W.A.T. to recommend the movie.
– Wait for Rental